Weekly Question: "How Do I Say No?"

"If I am not interested in a product or service, how do I say 'No Thank You' without sounding too harsh or like an A**hole?" 

 
A question and a discussion I had recently with someone in my network. 

Firstly, we need to get some context before moving forward. 

Story: 

A person in my network has been approached several times by someone in his community and someone who lives down the block from him. The guy was trying to sell a service that my connection wasn't interested in. 

My connection felt bad and felt obligated to give his neighbor the time of day only because he felt uncomfortable that it may raise some contention with a neighbor and community member. 

Despite expressing several times that he didn't need his neighbor's services, the neighbor pushed on and kept asking for the meeting. 

It got to the point where the connection needed to block his neighbor's number. 

The contention was unavoided. 

My connection asked me "How do I avoid such situations from happening in the future?"  

Thoughts: 

Several thoughts are running through my mind when it comes to these types of situations. 

1. Every relationship requires healthy boundaries right from the start. Setting clear expectations from the onset would be a great place to start. If you find yourself getting harassed and the other party isn't getting the message, this would be a good time to express the consequences of their actions. (This same advice was shared by one of the members of our Weekly Huddle Group - Bella Barouk, an awesome Executive Coach) 

2. Learning how to use tact and finding a healthy and respectful way to navigate out of the situation is the next step when you find yourself being pressured into situations. You never really know what is going on in that other person's life. Using empathy and emotional intelligence, you keep your side of the street clean by expressing that now isn't a good time for you to show interest in their product or service. 

3. Worst-case scenario, you will need to make good on your "threat" and you will sometimes need to address the situation exactly as you have expressed when you set the boundaries and expectations, and notify the individual of the consequences. You need to act on what you say. 

Let's focus on step 2 - Tact and empathy. 

Why is that so important? 

The main reason is that you are taking the human approach. 

You are recognizing that perhaps the person is acting out of need (something we will talk about in the near future) or perhaps the person has something going on that is causing him to behave the way s/he is. 

You are considering the options and you are willing to take a moment to step back and not make it personal. This person isn't trying to attack you, s/he is just trying to make a sale and at this time, this is the only way they know how. 

If this is working for them - great. It just doesn't work for you. 
If they come to realize that this approach is exhausting them, they might change their ways. 

We never know. 

What we do know, is that we took the right step. We did what makes us sleep better at night. We are the change we want to see in the world. And if you are planning on leaving a positive impact on this world - this was one of the steps you took to achieve that. The world is one fraction of a percent better because you avoided conflict and contention. 

A lesson you may take from this is that you don't need to be "that guy" or "gal" - you sell services and products differently and you focus on the genuine, authentic, and positive connection that is required in pressureless sales. It's going to make you feel better about yourself. 

If this type of approach sounds like something you'd like to learn more about or explore, please feel welcome to reach out and we can discuss this further. 

Otherwise, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this approach and what you would do in a similar situation. Please feel welcome to share on the LinkedIn Post