Weekly Live Show Recap - Ep. 6 - Meaning and Purpose in Hardships - Ft. Dr. Gary Fisher

Introduction:

This week’s topic discussed the topic of finding meaning and purpose in hardships and challenges that we all face. We all struggle with various degrees of hardships and challenges, the question we are exploring to answer in this discussion is how to cope with them and how do we find meaning and purpose through these difficulties? 

In case you missed the podcast, Wednesday Live Show, and Thursday Night Clubhouse discussions - please check out the following links: 

Wednesday Evening Live Show

Thursday Night Clubhouse 

Who is Dr. Gary Fisher? 

• Always had a passion to help people and people always sought him out for help. 
• Originally started off in nursing school. 
• Had issues with alcohol addiction but sought help for it. 
• Went back to college for bachelor's and master’s at 40 years old - proof that it is never too late to start. 
• Began working with individuals with all sorts of addictions all over the world. 
• Currently resides in Los Angeles with a practice of over 40 years

Watch the recap below: 

Facing Fears?

• Gary believes in facing fears head on
• “I was a coward and I knew it”
• Be willing and able to identify your faults and be aware of where there’s room for improvement. 
• It was New Years 1979 that Gary experiences a profound spiritual experience/psychic change 
• Experienced a connection to G-d which allowed him to tap into a source of courage and strength. 
• When you feel you don’t have the courage and strength to face a fear, tap into the one that does = G-d. 
• Specifically when facing irrational fears. 

Fears:

• Heights
• Water above head 
• Took Incremental steps to overcome fears. First educated himself on the fear and then tackled that fear. 
• Take the little simple steps to do one thing towards facing your fear. 
• Create a habit of facing your fears. 
• “Courage is not the absence of fear, it’s the right action IN SPITE of fear.”
• Don’t let fear dictate what you do. 
• Whatever is uncomfortable or what you don’t like, do it first. 
• The best way to spend the least amount of time on what you don’t like is to do them right away. 
• Procrastination means you’re spending the most time on what you’re uncomfortable with. 

Watch the recap below: 

Meaning in hardships:

• Fear is the biggest thief of our desires. 
• Fear is the soul killer

Book Suggestions:

• Victor Frankl - Man's search for meaning. 
• Philip Yancey - Where js Gd when it hurts 

• Pain is not something to be avoided at all costs. It’s something to be paid attention to.  

Gary’s 4 Bodies:

1) Physical Body - Needs: Air, Water, Food, Shelter, etc

2) Intellectual - Stimulation and knowledge  and skill development 

3) Emotional body - emotional safety and emotional intimacy. Community, validation, and affirmation. Things to grow emotionally

4) Spiritual Body - meaning and purpose and transcendence 

Without meaning and purpose, it’s difficult to do through challenges. 

• If you know the “WHY” you can go through any “HOW”
• Find meaning in a seemingly meaningless existence. 
• WE define and assign meaning ourselves. Not from other sources. 

Watch the recap below:

The Hawaii Lesson:

• Tried a belief that “nothing I do makes any difference. Life is finite and wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things” 
• The more Gary tried to internalize, he came to realize that there was no point to go on living.
• That’s what brought Gary to think about “what I do makes a difference and everything does have meaning”. 
• The good I do has a small difference. It may not make a difference on a universal level but on a smaller level to the people around me, it makes a world of a difference. 
• You need to choose that your life has meaning. 
• Live a life of meaning and purpose and even if you’re wrong about the difference you’ve made at least you’ll have lived a good life.

Watch the recap below:

Personal Mission Statement:

• Become someone that when things and people come into your life and sphere of influence they end up becoming better because of you. 
• Lessons learned from Stephen Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
• “Create a personal mission and vision statement”
• Be able and willing to acknowledge that everything that happens to you, whether good or bad has made you who you are today. 
• Approach life and the next steps forward with the mindset that everything that will happen to you will help shape you to become who you are meant to be. 

Watch the recap below:

Looking Too Hard For Meaning:

• We don’t have to understand why a singular event happened BECAUSE I understand that there’s a flow to life and eventually I will find or create the meaning for this event. 
• The answers will be given eventually. I don’t need to understand it now but I will in the future. 
• You have to zoom out of the picture of life. Time and emotional distance allow us to have a perspective of the events that have happened in our lives. 
• Don’t jump to assign a value judgment to each event. 
• Yermi’s “impossible dream” and how he achieved it. 
• As long as you have direction and focus stick to it. But not necessarily to work too hard to find the meaning. 

Watch the recap below:

Let’s Talk About Trauma: 

The Big T traumas and Little T traumas. 

Big T Trauma

• Race
• Mass events
• Abuse
• Etc.

Little T Trauma

• Not as easy to identify and far more debilitating because Big T traumas give the individual something to attach their wounds to and an “explanation” for why they are the way they are. 
• Little T traumas (you’re stupid. You’re ugly. You’re all wrong etc) leave big scars and wounds because there’s nothing to attach it to. 

• People are wounded not broken. A wounded animal is the most dangerous animal because it will fight with ferocity. 
• Wounded people fight too. They fight themselves. 
• Heal your wounds. Don’t repair your brokenness. 

Two core beliefs:

1) there’s something wrong with me

2) Life will never really work out for me 

• People stay within their comfort zone because of these beliefs. 
• You heal your wounds by connecting. Connecting with others, community, religion 
• Just not Satanism [joke]. 
• Spirituality is at the heart of healing. It’s about connecting with our spirits and the spirits of others and the spirit of the universe. 

Watch the recap below:

Viktor Frankl and Psychology: 

Why is Viktor Frankl not mentioned more in traditional psychology settings? 

• Viktor Frankl came from the Existential Psychology school of thought
• Life is too painful to go through if you have no meaning and purpose. 
• If you have a connection you can find meaning and purpose.

Watch the recap below:

The Bottom Line: 

The 3 main takeaway points were: 

• Fear stops us from living a fulfilled life - a fulfilled life is one that has meaning and purpose in it. 
• Dig deeper within yourself and find what is meaningful and fulfilling to you
• Heal your wounds, don’t try to “fix” yourself. 

Contributors to this article include:
 

Dr. Gary S. Fisher - Dr. Fisher has worked in the treatment of addictive disorders for the past 40+ years as a counselor, administrator, and therapist, both in private practice and in conjunction with treatment programs in Texas, Hawaii, Australia, and California. His wide range of experience includes work with adolescents, adults, dual-diagnosed clients, couples, and families, in culturally diverse populations. Dr. Fisher has gone through rigorous training in the use of Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) for both addictive, and trauma, related issues and is certified with the EMDR International Association, as a provider of EMDR based therapy. Dr. Fisher aids his clients in learning to harness and channel their powerful creative energies in a productive and healthy manner.

To reach and learn more about Dr. Fisher you can check out his website. 

Boruch DuBrow - Boruch is an Exceptional Development Coach with over 13 years of experience as an educator. Boruch has helped hundreds of people feeling lost in life to discover their path and reach their potential. Today, Boruch educates and empowers individuals and organizations to discover their path, define their purpose, and create an “Exceptional” future for themselves, their families, and their organizations.

To learn more about Boruch DuBrow feel free to follow him on LinkedIn, or Instagram, You can also reach Boruch by emailing him at [email protected]

Yermi Kurkus - Yermi has spent most of his career helping people at their lowest find meaning and purpose through proven methods that are built from psychology, philosophy, and mystical teachings. Yermi's approach is pragmatic and down to earth, thus coining the term Practical Mindfulness. 

Today, Yermi partners up with business owners, professionals, and individuals that want to become more "irresistible" in their personal and professional lives, as well as helping founders build "irresistible" systems in their businesses.

To learn more about Yermi Kurkus feel free to follow him on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube. You can also reach Yermi by emailing him at [email protected]