Removal of The EGO - How To Effectively Work Through Ego and Remove It

Introduction:

In previous articles we discussed the importance of the “people” that make up your business, it will either make or break your business and organization. In the last article, we spoke about how trust is a key factor in gaining the loyalty that will ultimately drive your people to perform at their optimal levels. We all know what the benefits of performing “people” do to our bottom line, right? 

Well, in this article, we will explore the most important factor within the building trust process. Ego. Ego is the one thing that will block you and stop you from succeeding, no matter what, no matter how, all day, every day, hands down. 

Ego is perhaps the greatest “turn-off” that most people simply want nothing to do with. Who wants to be around the person that is full of themselves and portrays a great deal of ego? 

Therefore, it goes without saying, that ego will determine the level of trust that people have in you, and will ultimately be the determining factor as to whether or not people choose to be loyal to you, your business, and your dream. 

Now with this premise in mind, let’s explore ego a little deeper - what makes up ego and how do we work through it to ultimately remove it altogether?

But first, I’d like to preface that the ego we are talking about is the one that is derived of arrogance and self-centeredness. Not the one that promotes self-confidence, true authentic self, and healthy self-consciousness. 

We’re talking about the bad and destructive type. 

EGO - Edging God Out

The bad and destructive type of ego is the type that only and entirely focuses on itself and doesn’t allow anyone or anything to have space within one’s self.

When we are talking about “space” we mean emotional, mental, physical, and psychological. All these are typically expressed in our attitudes and behaviors towards people and circumstances.

The person that has a great deal of this type of ego believes, or tries to convince themselves that they are in control and that it will be demeaning for them to be seen as “less than”.

Typically these are the people who are afraid to lose, afraid to admit wrong, afraid to accept defeat, and they feel the need to always be heard, seen, and validated at every opportunity. These people live with high regard for honor, praise, and acknowledgment. All of which, under normal circumstances, are valid and important, however, when demanded and expected, can become dysfunctional. 

Hence ego! 

This type of dysfunctional ego, in psychology and among various types of therapy and recovery circles is referred to as “Edging God Out” (E-G-O). It’s the type of behavior that pushes Godliness or something greater than itself - the one thing that actually has control over the things that we do not have control over - that very force is being pushed out and rejected. 

In religious circles, there is a similar approach and understanding where God says “I and He cannot cohabitate with one another” (Talmud, Sota 5a) - which basically implies that when someone is focused on their “I” (themselves”) they have no space to focus on the “S/He” (the other person) - they are simply too preoccupied with their own needs, wants, and desires. They have a total disregard for other people (or things, or circumstances). If they cannot accept another - someone that is physical in flesh and blood, how are they expected to accept something that is not physical?

These people are often very broken from within, but they put on a facade in order to maintain face, and keep feeding that hurting dysfunctional ego. This is the reason why the ego destroys relationships. 

Now that we got this understanding, let’s break the acronym down and suggest what can be done to counter each of these elements in order to remove this negative ego altogether.  

E - Edging

Edging is the slow rejection of movement, that “pushing” something away from you. Which basically means that ego doesn’t come all in one shot. It is something that grows over time. If we remain unaware of it or if we do not work on taming it, it can slowly but surely take us over and ultimately become dysfunctional. 

How do I identify it?

The best way to identify it is when you feel a deep push to reject someone or a strong urge that says “but what about me?” 

You see, ego doesn’t play well with others and it doesn’t like it when there are “others” around. If you catch yourself listening to someone and right away your mind is jumping to focus on yourself - that’s ego peaking its sneaky head.

How to counter it: 

Listen to the other person with curiosity, and try asking yourself in your mind “what’s next?” In other words, distract yourself from allowing your brain to center in - rather, try listening with an “expanded ear” - which means paying attention to what the person is saying and letting them finish what they are saying. Try not to respond or make any judgment until they are done.

This is “focused listening” to other people.

G - God

When we are talking about God in this context and for the purpose of this particular article, we are referring to something and someone outside of ourselves that we cannot control - which is basically every other person, other than ourselves.

We are going to take the interpretation that we used in the introduction in the sense of the word that if we cannot get along with people that are flesh and blood, how are we meant to get along with a spirit that is non-tangible and non-physical? 

The reason why this awareness is important is that, in order to remove the ego we need to be in tune with our most inner spirit - the higher version of ourselves. When we are broken inside or empty inside, we look for different ways and things to fill ourselves up with. The closest and easiest thing to fill ourselves up with - is ourselves. That can become a problem. 

How do I identify it?

The moment we catch ourselves filling ourselves with ourselves. Meaning looking for ways that will only benefit us with a disregard for, or not being aware of, others that this may or may not affect. 

For example, closing a sale.

Are we selling our products to only make ourselves wealthier? Or are we selling a product because it brings value to someone else, even though in the end, it may possibly make us wealthy? 

Focusing entirely on becoming wealthy and not caring whether or not it brings value to someone else - is ego! 

How to counter it:

Focus outward and then inward.

Focus on other people - how do my behavior and attitude affect them? How are they going to be better off with something good that I can do for them? How will my behavior, speech, or action be perceived by others? Does the other person have certain needs, wants, or desires that need to be met or considered?

These types of considerations can only come from a healthy inner ego that is driven by consciousness, confidence, and what my mentor calls “Self-Fullness”. 

A true act of Godliness is the behavior and attitude towards someone else that is fully beneficial to all parties involved with no sole self-interest at its core. 

O - Out

Out - in this context is “away from ourselves.”

Pointing at other people in order to blame them for all that goes wrong. Not taking responsibility or accountability over one person’s actions. Not being able to admit to our own doing and looking for excuses to justify our behaviors or attitudes even if that means temporarily bending the truth or doing something for the “greater good”. 

All false, all ego-driven. 

How do I identify it?

The moment we realize that we are looking for ways to justify our actions and we are finding it difficult to take responsibility for our actions. This is ego fighting its way. 

How to counter it:

The best way to counter it is to stop, slow down, and reflect on our thoughts, speech, and action. Am I thinking the right thoughts, am I using the right words, and am I acting appropriately? If not, what and where do I need to change?

Be open to change. Be open to constructive criticism. Be open to mentorship. All these require the opening of one’s mind and inviting abundance IN-to our life.

Pushing something or someone OUT - comes from the scarcity mindset that we often talk about. Inviting something IN - comes from the Abundance Mindset. Abundance and success can only find us once we make space for it. 

Replacing Ego

In conclusion, in order to remove our ego, which is the sole culprit to our demise and lack of success, is to focus on every element of our thought process, speech, and action. Are we pushing people or opportunities away? Why? What is driving this type of behavior? Am I considering other people’s emotions, needs, wants, and desires? Am I the focus of my attention or am I inviting others in? 

All these are elements that we constantly need to fight for. It is all too natural for our ego to jump in - after all, part of it is good. However, we need to teach our ego and train it to focus on the inner self that is wholesome, fulfilled, on a mission (to some it may be a holy mission driven by a higher purpose), and healthy.

The healthy ego is confident that they know what they are good at, they know where their weaknesses lay, and they are open to others to help them achieve a combined goal and dream.

Can you only picture in your mind what a wonderful organization it would be if people were able to think and act this way? 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can you take a moment and visualize two scenarios?

Scene 1: A place where ego is rampant. Ego is the one that is leading the show. Can you hear the noise level in that room? How are people getting along? Is anything productive getting accomplished? 

Scene 2: A place where healthy ego is incorporated. A place where everyone has a voice. Everyone matters. Everyone is validated and valued as a critical importance to the organization. How does this meeting look like? What is the productivity level in this organization?

Would love to hear your input. 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yermi Kurkus - is the co-founder of the Yermi Kurkus Consulting Group. With a family background in Entrepreneurship, a heart for community and philanthropy, and his love for psychology, Yermi dedicated his life to helping businesses thrive. Earned an MA in Organizational and Industrial Psychology and is in the process of attaining his Doctorate in that same field. Today, Yermi creatively partners up with businesses to help them increase their value, productivity, and profit by focusing on their operations and talent. The results of this help facilitate the buying or selling of businesses as well as assist in the overall well-being of the workplace and workforce.

To learn more about Yermi Kurkus feel free to follow him on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube. Or you can book your first 30-minute FREE consultation here.