Control Your Pride - Being The Master of Your Success & Not Slave To Your Ego

Introduction:

Pride, Ah - this one is a tricky one.

Are you proud of something you’ve done lately?

Depending on how this is asked it can come across as a parent scolding their child - as in “Are you proud of what you’ve done?” Or it can sound like your high school soccer coach encouraging you to be proud of the incredible play that you did that scored your team’s winning season goal.

So, which one is it?

Can it be both? 

How do I master my pride in order for it to be a catalyst and driving force for my team’s success and my business's (as a whole) success? How can I make sure that my pride doesn’t lead me to my ego and thus become destructive? 

Let’s start by looking at a few angles. 

Overconfidence

When does pride bring us to ego?

When we are overconfident in our abilities and our accomplishment.

When every time we have a chance we tout our laurels and accolades. When at every moment we can, we call out our years of experience and time on this earth (what I call “selling white hairs”). 

This type of pride is perhaps coming from an authentic place, it is true that you have many accomplishments worth being proud of, and true that you have put in a lot of time and effort into the experiences that you have accumulated. However, touting them as a thing that gives you your worth, value, or validity may actually be detrimental and can sometimes only feed your own ego. We’ve already spoken about how ego ruins your chances of success.

Instead, when it is appropriate, you can always draw from your past and from things you’ve done. Just make sure to bring it from a state of humility and for the purpose of adding value to the other person and not so much to pat yourself on the back and show off a trophy case.

Being overconfident can close a lot of doors and will not allow you to progress to the next step, of being a “forever student”. 

Forever Learning

Forever learning is what will grow you, your team, and your business overall.

When we open ourselves to learning we begin to see everything and everyone as an opportunity to grow and learn. We open up ourselves to feedback and constructive criticism, we spoke about that and how it propels you to greater heights in a previous article.

When we keep ourselves open to learning, we see things from a different angle - we no longer allow our ego (edging God out, or edging good out) to take over our lives. Our pride no longer feeds that ego. We are able, through our pride, which is fed by positive affirmations, our core values that drive our deeper selves, and our hunger for “more” drives us to take that next course, gain a new skill, and/or build up our attitudes and characters.

It goes without saying that those that invest in their future by forever and continuously learning are the ones who see massive levels of success. The only way to get there is by humility and a healthy sense of pride in who you truly are. 

The way we learn best is when we open ourselves to receiving…

Open To Receive

What does it mean to be open to receive?

Now, this one is one that I’ve struggled with for a long while.

You see, there was a time that I needed to recover from some traumatic events that literally left me penniless and borderline homeless. There was a close friend who helped me get back on my feet and get through that very difficult time. At first, it was very difficult (due to my pride and ego) to accept his “charity”. My pride was that I was an educated and pretty successful person, there was a time when I gave thousands to charity, how can I lower myself to be able to take charity. My family always raised us with the expression “May we only be of the givers and not of the takers”.

This is where and when I required a mindset shift. A dramatic one. The first thing that I needed to do was to tame that ego and humble myself. Not allowing my false pride to get the better of me. I came to realize that I was truly in need and this was simply the season that I found myself in at that time. Seasons change. Good times are on the horizon. I will get over this tough time, and I will come out of this stronger than ever. I needed to take advantage of this time to grow and learn - so when the shift occurs, I will be a much better person on the other side and better able to handle the waves life would bring.

That’s when I learned that by nature I am a giver. It simply brings me lots of fulfillment to give of myself - my time, my energy, and yes, sometimes of my money. But then, how can I be a true giver if I have no idea what it’s like to receive? Receiving is a part of giving. I am giving someone else the opportunity to give! Lightbulb moment.

The moment I humbled my ego and found my true (healthy) pride, it opened me up to greater opportunities. Now that the season has shifted and I am on the other side, I have learned so much and am now ready to give it and pass it forward.

From this story we see, that being open to receive is a very pride-filled opportunity, yet still humbles us to be on the other side of the coin that there are lots to be proud of. Being a giver can feed us in many gratifying ways. Humbling ourselves to receive, allows that wonderful energy to flow seamlessly. Something to be truly proud of! After learning that giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin in our home we now say “May we be of the givers and the receivers, just not of the takers”.

Conclusion

In conclusion, pride in itself is very important, however when we allow it to go untamed it can lead to our ego. Being able to master our success and master our accomplishments; to be a positive force to those around us is a powerful thing. But being a slave to our ego and allowing our pride to get us there, will only be detrimental to our success. No one likes to be around that person that only talks about themselves and feels like they are looking down on everyone around them.

Another thing that untamed pride can lead us to is anger. Yup, the one we spoke about last week. It is our pride that is fed by our ego that sets the expectations which may or may never be met. We all know what happens to people that have unmet expectations…

Lastly, healthy pride is developed through positive affirmations. These affirmations, when done right, hold us accountable to achieve the goals that we set out for ourselves and they hold us accountable to be the type of person we need to be in order to become successful.

In short - pride can go either way! 

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Take a moment to think of three small victories that you can be proud of in the past week. Take a moment to affirm to yourself 3 “I am” statements of who you are today or who you would like to be in the future. How does this feel? Is this feeding your ego or is it just something to be happy and proud about?

Now think back to a time when someone tried “selling” you on their experience or accomplishments, trying to get you to “buy in” What do you think they are really trying to sell you? Their ego or pride? How does that make you feel? What do you walk away telling yourself about them?   

Would love to hear your input. 

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In the Work of Happiness, we talk about the 5 exercises that help increase our intrinsic happiness - gratitude, affirmation, forgiveness, accountability, and inspiration - If you would like to learn more about The Work of Happiness workshop that we have developed which helps increase our internal and intrinsic happiness, please feel welcome to check out this link. We also provide group workshops in your work environment, just reach out to learn more.  

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Yermi Kurkus - is the co-founder of the Yermi Kurkus Consulting Group. With a family background in Entrepreneurship, a heart for community and philanthropy, and his love for psychology, Yermi dedicated his life to helping businesses thrive. Earned an MA in Organizational and Industrial Psychology and is in the process of attaining his Doctorate in that same field. Today, Yermi creatively partners with businesses to help them increase their value, productivity, and profit by focusing on their operations and talent. The results of this help facilitate the buying or selling of businesses as well as assist in the overall well-being of the workplace and workforce.

To learn more about Yermi Kurkus feel free to follow him on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube. Or you can book your first 30-minute FREE consultation here.